I feel great
I just peed on a car
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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