Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize