let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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