My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize