Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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