the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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