Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
