Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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