i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
