where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
