Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize