Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
