idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
