when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
