my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
