i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
