You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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