Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
