How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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