Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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