i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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