Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
