she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
