he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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