we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
