Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just forgot I was standing up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
