Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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