I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
