i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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