just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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