My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize