i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
