so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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