I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
