I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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