Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize