Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
