I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
