I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Someone signed my nipple.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
