i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
