lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
