i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize