Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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