you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize