Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
