remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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