You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
