you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
