I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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