i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
