If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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