Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
