ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am naked and annoyed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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