dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
