Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
