You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
