Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
