i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize