worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
