I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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