If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
