There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
