Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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