I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize