Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize