After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
