you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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