There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize