It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
