I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
