Dual....:-)
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize