If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
