He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This house was built for laser tag.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can you bring me the toilet please
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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