Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So many bounce houses so little time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
