Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
