my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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