Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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