Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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