i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
