Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We have so much sex to catch up on
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
