i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
