I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize